Start over as many times as you need to find peace.
Glo Atanmo
Glo Atanmo said this in a coaching call the other night and it resonated with me. Especially since my therapist said something similar earlier. She’d told me I need to look for peace.
You see, my fear is massive. The fear of not being good enough or having to be different or ‘better’ to be accepted has been with me since I was a child. It’s an energy and voice that’s grown in my mind just as I’ve grown in body. Yet, the other voice has also remained with me. The voice that says I am Divine and my life is meant for great things. That I’m meant to be prosperous. That the good ideas and nudges I get are meant to be done by me. That a way is being cleared for me to do them.
Yet that fear remains.
My therapist asked what food was I feeding each energy. What am I feeding my fear that makes it so strong? I told her it isn’t a particular thing I’m doing. It’s the situations my energy has attracted. The toxic male relationships that reinforced that ‘not good enough’ mentality. The jobs that left me unfulfilled.
Now I’m in a space where the toxic conditions are out of my life. The only solution to getting over the fear is to focus on what brings me peace.
Right now, it’s being around close friends and family.
It’s being on my patio or out in nature.
Is volunteering at a community garden and knowing I’m helping things grow.
It’s feeding the good and Divine voice peaceful and happy energy rather than sinking into the toxic darker energy.
One small step at a time.
The next step in my spiritual journey is to fully face that fear and see what lessons can be learnt from it. How can I integrate those shadows to better serve me and release the part of that fear that doesn’t?
Love persevering (otherwise known as grief) has shifted and added on to that darkness that manifests as depression and anxiety. I have no choice but to chip away at that energy and cover it to aid my good.
It’s a tough journey but one we all must face at some point in our lives.
Sending strength to face your shadows and courage to live your truth,
Janai
