Today is the one month anniversary of your death, Mommy.
The waves of Time flow differently in the ocean of my grief.
It is now Before or Since.
What life was like Before you died and what life is like Since you’ve died.
Sometimes it feels like your death happened months ago and other times it felt like it was yesterday. I go from feeling nothing and doing fine to feeling everything and retreating to my bed.
Time is no longer tracked by hours or days but in moments. I don’t plan far ahead because planning makes me tired.
I am floating without you as an anchor.
At some point, I know I will need to take control of my life and decide where my next life step will take me. I will live the life you would have wanted me to have before you got sick.
I will travel more.
Write more.
Dance more.
Laugh more.
Live more.
But for today, I will sit by the beach and watch a sunset I know you would love to see.
I will sit here and think about the beautiful moon child you were.
