Henry Ford once said “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
Victim mentality is a perfect example of this quote. If you think you’re the victim in your story, you are. Let’s talk about that and the blame game we’ve all played, or continue to play, in our lives. The victim mentality sounds something like this:
-
I would have that job if I had more connections/experience/
whatever -
My life is so out of control.
-
Nothing is going right for me.
-
Everyone is out to get me.
-
I would have gotten ______ if ______ had/hadn’t happened
-
Things always go wrong for me.
The blame game is a dangerous one and holds you back from stepping into the life you want. You cannot manifest the life you want if you don’t take responsibility for the one you have.
That means accepting the reality you’ve created for yourself through your thoughts. Staying in victim mentality keeps you playing the blame game. Law of attraction states what you focus on expands. If you’re focusing on how everything is going wrong, everything will continue to go wrong. Added to that, your energy will attract other people with a victim mentality to reinforce your destructive thoughts.
But if you begin focusing your energy on what your current situation is trying to teach you and understanding your life is meant to be joyful, your life will reflect that energy. You will begin to attract other positive mindset people who have stopped playing the blame game and are on the way to living their best life.
So how do you break the victim mentality? Follow the 4 R’s.
Recognize it
Just like any addict, you first have to admit you have a problem. The blame game is tricky because it becomes your comfort zone. If you’re blaming others for what’s going wrong in your life, you never have to accept your part in creating that life. Looking inward to make that realization is hard for people. Especially since most people have been playing the game from childhood. Either you learnt the mentality from parents, society, or both. It’s like Murphy’s Law- the belief that something equally bad will happen if something good happens. Yes, you can’t fully appreciate good without bad but there is a difference between that and actively looking for the bad in a good situation. I know. I’ve been there. I was the queen of waiting for the other shoe to drop when something great happened to me. “This is too good to be true so something has to be wrong.” I had to change my mindset and start asking why I thought that way.
Recognize your victim mentality. Recognize you’re an active player in the blame game and decide to change the rules.
Review it
Take note of each time you slip into victim mode. Any time you slip into the negative blame game. What kind of language are you using? Start journaling all the things you say in the blame game and then say “I choose to see things differently.” I first learnt this mindset trick from Gabrielle Bernstein and it’s become something I say in addition to my daily affirmations.
You don’t need to carry a journal book around with you. You can use the Notes app on your phone or the voice recorder to talk it out. State the beliefs you’re saying and recognize them for the lies they are. Lies your ego is telling you to keep you in your comfort zone. Journal out those lies and choose to see things differently.
I highly recommend adding a daily meditation to your morning routine. Start with ten minutes of deep breathing and silence and set the intentions to see things in a better way. I love lighting sage and Palo Santo before I begin meditating and I always have a crystal charged with my intention nearby. If you are interested in incorporating crystal healing, black gemstones are ideal for absorbing negative energy. White crystals are ideal for tapping into divine energy and cleansing yourself and your space.
Reframe it
Now that you’ve reviewed your victim mentality, written out the beliefs, and decided to see things differently, it’s time to reframe the game! You have control over your life. You are the co-creator of it. Do your part and reframe those lies. Here are examples of personal lies I reframed:
LIE: I’m so broke. I’m never going to make enough to live the life I want.
REFRAME: I am abundant. There is always more than enough for anything I desire. I control my words and actions to create an abundant life.
LIE: There’s no point in trying since I’m not good enough.
REFRAME: I have a message only I can share. I have a purpose to live a joyful and abundant life. I am more than good enough. I will try because there is a lesson to be learned in the task.
Do you see what I did there? I flipped the lie around and turned it into a positive affirmation. I rewrote the rules of the game in my favor.
The hardest part of this process is to recognize the victim mentality thoughts when they pop up. Get your close friends and family involved. Let them know you’re working on winning the blame game and stopping your victim mentality. Ask them to point out when you begin speaking from the role of a victim. Doing this will help you better identify what your triggers are.
Reward it
Now that you’re continuously reframing your victim mentality, reward yourself for winning the game! Do something that makes you happy, even if it’s a small thing. It’s hard to slip into a ‘woe is me’ mindset if you’re doing something that puts you in a high vibe energetic state. Treat yourself to a massage, play with your pet, go for a walk, or go out to lunch with friends. Whatever makes you smile. Remember, what you focus on expands. You have control of the amount of joy in your life. Continue to focus on the joy and the Universe will work out how to keep you in an abundant, high energy state of being.
Decide to see things differently!
Finding a Soul Deep Happy life starts inside.
It starts by breaking the victim mentality to start manifesting what you want. Take responsibility for your life up to this point and take back control of how you live it moving forward. It’s all in the mind. If you believe you are a victim, you are.
If you believe you are a bad ass co-creator to this crazy fun game called life, you are.
